


A Formative Experience

by AlienBro



Category: Star Trek: The Original Series
Genre: Alien Culture, Established Relationship, Fake Science, M/M, Romance, Tarsus IV
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-23
Updated: 2018-09-23
Packaged: 2019-07-16 04:49:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,084
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16078763
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AlienBro/pseuds/AlienBro
Summary: When Jim was offered the chance to undergo a relationship strengthening tradition on an alien planet in the name of diplomacy, he didn’t expect to be stuck reliving the worst times of his life with his soon to be husband by his side.





	1. Part One

**Author's Note:**

> Hey. Look at me, I’m still alive. College has been pretty busy, and it’s going to get more busy as I get further into the semester because I’m stubborn and refuse to take less than 5 courses a semester. I don’t have a ton of time, but I managed to polish up an older wip to post here. Enjoy! 
> 
> Also, please note, if anything about Tarsus IV and it’s themes upset you, you probably should not read this.

Jim smiled softly, raising his hand in the greeting gesture of the Korrnens. Yie, the leader whom Jim had been negotiating with for the last three weeks stepped forward, returning the gesture. The second Korrnen stepped forward, a smile on his face, speaking aloud so that the translator could function. 

“Hello. I am Jadd. The head councillor of Kan’hara.”

Jim smiled, his hand still raised in greeting.

“I am James Tiberius Kirk, Captain of the USS Enterprise.” Jim said, gesturing to himself. 

It had taken a little while for him to get used to speaking the way the Korrnens spoke. They always had names first, then whatever rank or place in society you held. There had been a few miscommunications at the start, but with a lot of hard work on Jim’s part, the negotiations were nearly complete. Jadd glanced questioningly at Spock, who was standing silently by Jim side. 

“Oh right!” Jim whispered, suddenly remembering the other half of the culture surrounding introductions. 

“He is Spock, First Officer of the USS Enterprise.” Jim said, gesturing towards the Vulcan. 

Spock remained silent, having managed to remember the culture lessons much better than Jim. They had learned that when introducing groups, the most important individual was to introduce everyone else as well, making the introduction Jim’s first landing party (with contained 12 people) quite an event. 

“Ah.” Jadd said, nodding slightly. “He is your betrothed.” 

Jim, not wanting to cause offence by correcting him, smiled and nodded. “Yes.” 

Jim was not particularly fond of the odd hierarchical society they had, nor was he particularly fond of his fiancé being called his “betrothed”, but in the name of diplomacy Jim said nothing. 

Jadd smiled again, turning to walk down the hall and holding out his hands in a gesture to follow. Jim and Spock obeyed, falling into step behind Jadd. As they walked, he began to speak. 

“We are honoured that you have agreed to participate in our hai kesh’lea - a ceremony undergone by betrothed couples - for further cultural understanding. I have personally surveyed the equipment we use to make sure it is safe for both Humans and Vulcans.” 

Jim, once again in the name of avoiding a diplomatic incident, replied with a smile. 

“Of course. We are honoured by the opportunity.” He said, glancing sideways at Spock for confirmation. A barely perceptible nod in his direction confirmed. 

It was times like this that Jim was excited to bond with Spock for logical reasons rather than emotional ones. Having a telepathic link would make communication so much easier when situations similar to this arose, which happened often enough. Jim was also excited for their marriage because he loved Spock so much that it scared him sometimes. They were all set for shore leave on Vulcan when this mission was over, and everything involving their bonding ceremony was prepared as well as it could be without a set timeline. Jim couldn’t wait.

Jim was pulled out his musings by their arrival at a door on the left side of the hall. Jadd opened the door, leading the way inside. 

The room was fairly sparse, with only two chairs in the corner and a set of what looked to be pods of some kind. Jim supposed these were where the couples were supposed to lie. Jadd directed them into the pods, where they laid down side by side. Spock glanced over at Jim, a gleam of concern in his eyes. Jim gave him a small smile in return. Jadd presses a few buttons on a panel, and everything faded to black. 

While Spock had attempted to ascertain some knowledge about this tradition, he had not been wholly successful. From what Jim understood, the couples would undergo some kind of virtual reality therapy that involved recreating memories with both people. Jim and Spock had a rather unfortunate amount of less than savoury memories from their time together, so he supposed that they would be choosing from one of those. 

The sensation of sinking into the reality was uncomfortable. It was akin to being submerged in molasses, sticky and heavy, pressing on the lungs. When he emerged from it, Jim expected to hear the sounds of the Enterprise, or perhaps an alien planet. Or maybe see one of these things. 

However, strangely enough, the first sense that returned to him was smell, and when he breathed in for the first time he wished he had never emerged from the molasses like darkness, and not because he didn’t know where he was. Jim Kirk was standing somewhere he knew very well, with the sunlight burning at his closed eyes and the cloying, sickening scent of rotting wheat filling the air, choking him on his memories.


	2. Part Two

Jim’s eyes opened and he knew without looking around he was 14 again, standing behind a building that belonged to the settlement on Tarsus IV. He had a small bundle clutched to his chest, and he knew without looking what it contained. Jim’s breathing sped up, the air clogging up his lungs with the familiar scent of death and decay. The familiar dread creeping into his mind, the gnawing hunger he felt. God he hoped the kids were okay. 

“Jim?” A small voice whispered from behind him. 

Jim nearly dropped the bundle of food he was holding. He whipped around, breathing erratically, adrenaline flooding his system. Standing before him was a Vulcan in his early teens, who’s face was still squishy with baby fat and who was wearing a set of itchy looking robes. 

“Captain? I do not understand. Where are we?” Spock asked, looking down at himself in confusion. If Jim hadn’t been trying to hold off a panic attack, he might’ve laughed. Spock’s voice was almost comically childish, and a little squeaky. 

Jim opened his mouth to answer, trying to control his breathing. A crunch of footsteps from behind Jim altered him to a presence, and without thinking he tucked the bundle under his arm, grabbed Spock’s hand and ran, pulling the confused Vulcan along with him. A quick glance back confirmed his suspicions - one of Kodos’ soldiers was chasing after them.

Jim allowed instinct to take over - twisting and turning as they ran through the fields and into a forest. When Jim was sure they’d lost the soldier, he slowed their pace slightly, guiding them towards a familiar location while still holding Spock’s hand. 

“Jim? What is happening?” Spock asked again, his eyebrows beginning to scrunch up in worry. 

“We’re... we’re on...” Jim whispered, trying desperately to finish the sentence. He was still shaking violently and his heart wouldn’t stop racing. 

“We’re on Tarsus IV.” Jim gasped, rushing to the end of the sentence. “I don’t know what... how... but that thing we were doing. I thought it was supposed to let us relive memories we made together - the bad ones. We didn’t have to many of those, I though it wouldn’t be so bad. I didn’t think-“ Jim stopped talking as he ran out of breath. His chest was constricted painfully and his heart haden’t stopped racing. Jim could feel his throat closing up and the burning behind his eyes. He struggled to keep from falling to the ground and sobbing, letting the ground swallow him up. He couldn’t give up: he had his kids to take care of. They would die if he didn’t help them - he had to keep going. 

Jim pressed his hands into his eyes, trying to force away the tears threatening to spill. He had to help the kids. 

“Ashayam, listen to me. None of this is real.” Spock’s calm voice cut through the clutter of Jim’s mind, jarring him out of the downward spiral. His face was inches from Jim’s, and he was holding onto Jim’s arms gently, trying to calm him. 

Spock. Spock was here. This wasn’t really Tarsus IV, Spock wasn’t there. He didn’t know, he can’t know. It isn’t real. 

Jim took a deep breath, focusing on Spock’s gentle eyes to ground himself. They were swirling with the emotional turmoil Spock would never show on his face, all the concern and fear that he was feeling all so apparent if you knew what to look for. 

“I’m okay.” Jim whispered, even though they both knew he wasn’t. “How long is this supposed to last? Do we have to do something or do we just wait until the time is up?” 

Spock frowned slightly, almost imperceptibly, and replied quietly. “I do not know. However, I hypothesize that we must continue to follow the course of your memory together.” 

Jim laughed humourlessly. 

“That seems logical.” He replied softly. 

Jim looked down at himself, trying to gauge how long it had been since the famine started. He was wearing a dirty shirt and pants that hung of his body, and he could feel the gnawing hunger to the point where he felt sick. Evidently, it had been about a week or so. Jim ran one of his hands over his torso,  
feeling every bone in his ribcage as he did so. 

Jim could practically feel Spock’s gaze on him, and when he looked up, he could see emotions swimming in the Vulcan’s eyes. Spock stepped forward again, and wrapped his arms around Jim, pulling him into a hug. It was rare that Spock initiated physical contact outside of the privacy of their shared quarters, which spoke volumes about Spock’s true feelings about this situation.

“I must confess, I barely recognized you before. I dislike seeing you like this.” Spock whispered into Jim’s ear. Jim pulled him closer, even though his arms were shaking from the effort. He rested his chin in Spock’s head, which was a rather interesting sensation. 

“I could get used to being taller than you.” Jim whispered, the barest hint of a smile on his face. 

Spock sniffed indignantly, but did not release his hold on Jim. “I confess I was much smaller than most of my peers until about age sixteen.” 

“Speaking of that, how old are you?” Jim asked, drawing back from the hug, but keeping one hand on Spock’s arm.

“I do not know.” Spock answered. “But I hypothesize that I am the same age as you are now, judging both by my stature and by the fact that it is unlikely Councillor Jadd knows our exact age difference.” 

Jim nodded thoughtfully, sliding his hand down Spock’s arm so that they were holding hands again. He started walking, pulling Spock along with him. 

“We should keep moving. I need to get back to my kids.” Jim said as he started to walk. He knew the path so well that it was almost instinct. 

“Where are we headed?” Spock asked after a moment, walking awkwardly beside Jim. 

“A cave, a small one, where we stayed, for most of the time here. We being me and some of the kids I ended up looking after. You actually know one of them: Kevin Riley.” 

As they walked, Jim filled Spock in on his situation. They were following what would look to most like a game trail, but was actually a trail that lead to a cave where Jim and the other kids had taken shelter. Recounting the story from the start was hardly necessary, Jim knew that Spock was familiar with Tarsus IV; everyone was, to some extent. But Jim could feel the dark thoughts and emotions clawing at his subconscious, and talking factually and frankly kept them at bay, at least for the moment. 

It was only when Jim had exhausted his explanations that he stopped and turned to Spock, disturbed by the emotion present on his face. Jim knew that this situation was deeply affecting Spock for him to allow even the slightest trace of it into his expression. 

“Spock. I... I saw some pretty horrifying things here, but there’s one in particular that I remember very vividly, enough that I can still picture it. I think that’s the memory we’re going to be forced to relive. I can’t remember much of what lead up to the beginning of the event, but what I can remember matches this.” Jim said, trying his best not to sink into the darkness that was slowly building inside him. 

Spock squeezed Jim’s hand comfortingly. “You must remember, we are not allowed to change the course of the memory. Doing so could cause damage to your psyche, and that is not a risk I am willing to take.” 

Jim nodded, growing more solemn as they approached the camp. They had almost reached it when a thin figure stepped out of the bushes to their right. 

“Jim!” The boy called. “You’re back! Is Carter with you?” 

Jim gritted his teeth. He knew where this lead, but he couldn’t change the memory.

“No, he’s not.” 

“He went after you.” The boy supplied. 

Jim handed him the bundle of cloth he was holding, dread building in his chest. 

“We’ll go get him. Take that to the other kids.” Jim said, grabbing Spock’s hand again as he lead him back towards the town. 

As the walked, Spock glanced around them, seemingly trying to commit the trail to memory. Jim knew the journey took some time, but it felt far too short knowing what was ahead. 

When they reached the town, Jim didn’t waste time, he knew where he had to go. With Spock following behind him, he ran around the perimeter of the town until he saw what he was looking for. Another painfully skinny human boy, only a few years younger than Jim, trying to pry open a window. Jim caught his attention, motioning for him to leave. 

“Carter. Let’s go!” He hissed.

Carter looked over a him, but it was too late. 

“Hey! You three! What are you doing?” A guard shouted at them, turning the corner nearby. 

Jim grabbed Carter‘s wrist, yanking him forward as they ran. He knew how this ended, but somehow all rational though had abandoned him back at the building, leaving him with the instincts of a starving 14 year old to guide him, instincts that were calling for him to run as far away as he could. He glanced back, the guard still chasing them across the empty field, shooting at them with the phaser rifle in his hands. Spock was running slightly ahead of them, stumbling over unravel ground and rotting wheat.

Then, Carter tripped. At least, that’s what Jim thought as he was dragged down to the dirt by his companion. Stopping with the intent to help Carter up, Jim barely registered the smoking circle on his back before he rolled his fallen friend over, and found himself staring into lifeless, empty blue eyes. Jim scrambled backwards, falling into the rotting plants in an attempt to get away.

The guard had caught up with him, and grabbed him by the arm and tried to haul him to his feet. Scrambling to get away, Jim felt his hand touch a rock and he grabbed it, bringing it down with all the force he could muster on the guards arm. With a grunt of surprise, he let go of Jim’s arm, and he scrambled away. A hand grabbed onto Jim’s arm and pulled him to his feet and away from the cursing guard. Jim couldn’t help but look back at Carter, lying dead on the ground as Spock pulled him farther away from the scene, angling their course towards the forest where they could easily lose the guard. Stumbling over the uneven dirt, Jim turned and saw something much more terrifying headed towards them. A wave of liquid darkness sped over the field, engulfing everything in its path. Jim grabbed Spock and pulled him close as the darkness surrounded them, cutting off everything in a final crashing wave.


	3. Part Three

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know this part is very short, but they felt better divided than as a whole piece. I dunno, it didn’t feel right to tack this little bit onto part two. Anyways, thanks for reading :)

Waking from the dream was instant and jarring. There was seconds of darkness and then everything was happening at once. Bright light practically blinded him, his head was pounding, and snippets of a shouting match was reaching his ears.

“-isn’t done! It’s only half way through. We can’t just-“ 

“I don’t give a damn! This is done now.” 

Jim sat upright, catching a glimpse of Bones, red faced and angry, pointing an accusing finger at Councillor Jadd, then leaned forward and threw up on the pristine metal floor. Jim blinked once, opening his mouth to apologize, but instead his eyes rolled back in his head and he fell almost blissfully back into unconsciousness. 

The next time Jim woke, it was to the familiar sound of beeping machines in the Enterprise’s sickbay. It was dark, but not completely. There was enough light to see the room around him, and to see his first officer sleeping in a chair near his bed. 

Jim sat up, cringing slightly at the remnants of a headache, and shuffled so that his feet were off the bed, dangling in the air. Taking a deep breath, he stood up, one hand still on the bed in case he fell. Regaining his balance after a second, Jim crept over to Spock, placing his hand on his shoulder and shaking him awake.

“Hey there.” He whispered as Spock blinked awake, standing suddenly as he noticed what was happening.

“Jim, you’re awake.” He observed, eyes flickering to the bed Jim had just abandoned. 

Jim smiled, going to say something, but Spock cut him off by pulling him into an embrace. Jim slowed himself to relax, slumping against Spock’s chest. 

“I like being shorter than you.” He whispered. 

“I love you.” Spock answered. 

Jim started slightly in surprise. It was rare that Spock expressed affection out loud, much less in medbay where anyone could see them. 

“I love you too.” Jim replied, holding Spock a little closer. 

They stayed like that for a moment longer, before Spock broke the silence with a quiet voice.

“T’hy’la, you need rest.” 

Jim nodded, reluctantly leaving the embrace to crawl back into the bed. He looked back at Spock, a pleading look in his eyes. 

“Stay with me?” He asked. 

Spock answered by joining him in the bed. It was a bit tight, but the managed to curl together enough that they both fit. Jim knew that Bones was going to give him hell when he saw the two of them tangled together, and that he most likely would have to put his diplomatic skills to work tomorrow to assure they had not caused a permanent issue, but for now, Jim fell asleep in the arms of his t’hy’la.

**Author's Note:**

> Yo! Thanks for reading. Parts two and three should be up shortly. (By shortly, I mean like in an hour. They just need a bit of editing first.) 
> 
> As always, catch me over on tumblr @not-chrispratt ! Come talk to me about Star Trek. Leave me a comment and brighten my day!


End file.
